How Dean Thomas Lost His Mind
by AsYetNameless
Summary: The story of how Dean Thomas lost his mind, fell in love and found his Gryffindor side. This is a tale of magic, spoons and organised chaos. It also contains slash. Pairing: Dean/Seamus. Setting: After Voldemort's death, repeated seventh year.
1. Dean, Showers and a Resolution

**Author's Note:**

**The story of how Dean Thomas lost his mind, fell in love and found his Gryffindor side. This is a tale of magic, spoons and organised chaos. **

**It also contains slash. You were warned.**

**This is my first attempt at fan-fiction, so if there are any gaping holes in my use of British and/or Hogwartian language (and mindset) feel free to correct them! Constructively. Haters gonna hate, gators gonna gate, but I'd rather you didn't. Gate, that is. Because nobody wants that.**

**Unfortunately, this truly excellent world and all the characters in it do not belong to me. They belong to the Goddess of Writing, J.K. Rowling. I will admit that it is my life's ambition to meet her - but preferably not in court.**

**Bon appetit!**

- How Dean Thomas Lost His Mind -

It was the year after the War. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft an Wizardry was practically bursting at the seams. This was owing to the NEWT students allowed to return and complete their magical education. Students and teachers alike wanted to forget all about Voldemort, Death Eaters and Horcruxes. It was a year of happy endings, sad endings, hope, magic, new beginnings and a surprising amount of pumpkin juice. It also involved two Gryffindor boys whose futures had yet to be set.

With these two boys, our story begins.

At half past six in the morning, Dean Thomas awoke to an almighty crash. This was swiftly followed by a torrent of swearing from the general direction of the bathroom.

Dean cracked an eyelid open and peered through the fog of sleep. He caught sight of the clock and attempted a groan, but it got lost somewhere between his stomach and his voice box. He glanced blearily around the room.

Ron and Harry's bed-hangings were both drawn shut. Neville's soft snores proved him innocent. Then Dean's eyes lighted upon his best friend's bared and obviously empty bed. _Typical._ This time he really did groan. Of course it was Seamus. Who else but the Irishman had such a colourful vocabulary?

"Finnegan? You all righ'?" He called out softly. No reply. _I should probably check he's still alive, _Dean thought belatedly.

He rolled out of bed and landed with a thump, which shook him considerably more awake. The door to the bathroom was slightly ajar. He could hear thrum of water against tiles.

"Seamus?"

He peered cautiously into the bathroom.

He grinned. Seamus was still well in the land of the living, and cursing eloquently to prove it. Clutching his elbow, Seamus behind the shower's chest-high stone wall. Dean, satisfied that his friend was, in fact, still breathing, was about to heed the call of his pillow and go back to bed.

Something stopped him.

Seamus stepped into the shower and Dean's world ground to a halt.

It wasn't that Seamus was unclothed. That had never bothered Dean before. It wasn't to do with his sandy-brown hair being perfectly ruffled, or the way his blue eyes widened slightly as the water hit hit skin.

None of these things mattered. But the expression on Seamus's face really, _really _did. The Irishman shuddered slightly as the heat flared across his cold skin. His face was _heaven_; his eyes closed slighty, lips parted and the sweetest of smiles gracing his features.

Suddenly, the other things _did_ matter. A lot. As did the way Seamus was arching up as he stepped further into the heat. Dean's mind, unbidden by him, began picturing the scene with Dean as the cause of such actions...

At that point, he ran. He sped out the door, down the stairs and through the common room, heart pounding. He skidded into the corridor and sped up, until he reached the top of the Gryffindor Tower's winding staircase.

Dean slid down one of castle's solid stone walls. He stared up at the curved ceiling. _What. Fresh hell. Was that?_ Seamus had innocently taken a shower and he had, unjustifiably, gone mad. Dean carefully lifted the wall he had placed between him and his Seamus-related thoughts. _Seamus kissed his lips, one hand curling around his neck as Dean bent down..._ He shoved in back down quickly, but the image continued replaying itself in the back of his mind. His breath caught in his throat as he imagined what it would be like...

What was happening to him? Dean was _straight. _He had thoroughly enjoyed kissing Ginny. Seamus, he thought with a pang, was also straight. Actually, this had never been proved, but Dean, as his best friend, was sure of it. Seamus was also his closest friend, practically his other half.

This wasn't solving anything. Dean leapt up and broke into a run again, pushed himself until his muscles burned almost as much as his heart. His thoughts, however, were still in front of him, startlingly clear.

Dean almost knocked over a thoroughly startled Argus Filch as he flew through the Entrance doors and out across the grounds, completely unaware that he was wearing nothing but his checked pajama bottoms. His mind once again began filling with images that even a Firebolt would have trouble escaping, images mostly involving different ways he could torment his best friend's lips until Seamus moaned Dean's name…

He couldn't keep running forever. Dean stopped in front of the Great Lake, his mind whirling.

One thing was clear and had to be accepted, he thought. Dean was in love with Seamus Finnegan. He knew this for three reasons. Firstly, because kissing him seemed like an excellent idea, despite being a very bad one. Secondly, because there was a monster in Dean's chest which sprung to life if Dean so much as thought about someone else kissing Seamus the way Dean wanted to. Thirdly, because Dean wanted to protect Seamus from the inevitable hurt of either of the first two things happening. On top of these reasons, Seamus was his best friend. Each knew the other better than anyone else could.

In accordance with the third reason, Dean realised, Seamus must never know his new secret. Seamus would never fancy him back, so it would damage their friendship beyond repair if the Irishman knew the truth. As much as the idea pained him, it was a better pain than not having the Seamus at all. As the Giant Squid raised its tentacles in the dawn light, Dean Thomas made a resolution. Seamus Finnegan would never see how he really felt. Dean would watch him, laugh with him and protect him, as he always had. They would never kiss or be together the way Dean wanted. They would spend their lives as friends, and only that. _Seamus must never know._

The boy in question, however, had other plans.

**A/N: Review, review and also review! Did I mention review? Because you should. Review, that is.**

**-AsYetNameless**


	2. Seamus, Chocolate and Slughorn's Scales

**Author's Note: **

**A new chapter! This one is written from Seamus's point of view. I'll try to update once a week.**

**The first chapter (Dean, Showers and a Resolution) has also been edited. No time like the present to re-read! (Also to review. As I have mentioned previously.)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing valuable, including this franchise, so please don't sue me!**

**Enjoy! (Or don't. Whatever tickles your tastebuds. But let me know either way. Constructively, of course. This is a No Hate zone, in more ways than one.)**

**-AYN**

_Dear Seamus,_

_How are you, love? I've been well enough._

_Those Dunighaire wastrels have been larking around again. They threw stones at our porch the other day; smashed the kitchen window right in, too. I was of a mind to hex their fingers off, but you can't have everything in life._

_On the bright side, Mr O'Leary from down the road gave me chocolates the other day in return for the flu tonic I fixed him. His heart's in the right place, bless him, but there's more than I could possibly eat. I've sent some to you. Be careful, the shells seem a bit fishy._

_The Prophet's been saying that Severus Snape was actually a hero! A double agent for Dumbledore, they say. For the first time in my life, I don't believe it. Nasty slimeball of a man, that Severus Snape._

_Is the castle fully up and running again? How do you all fit with the extra year group? Is it too cramped?_

_How is Dean? I hope he's recovered from his year in hiding._

_Love always,_

_Your Mam_

Seamus smiled and shook his head as he finished reading the letter. Across from him, Ron and Neville were trying to resuscitate the Weasley owl.

It was breakfast and Dean was absent from the Gryffindor table. Seamus's right side felt unusually bare as he glanced around the Great Hall for the fifth time in as many minutes. Still no luck.

"Is it from your Mum?" Harry asked from his left side. Seamus twitched slightly, brought back to Earth. He nodded and handed Harry the letter.

"Oh, thanks." Harry said, sounding slightly surprised.

"Ye might like the bit about Snape." Seamus said with a half-grin. He knew the truth about their ex-potions master. Harry scanned the page and laughed. Then he glanced across at Errol's intensive care team.

"Is he dead yet?" He asked.

The owl chose that exact moment to leap up from his apparent coma, wings flapping madly. Neville's pumpkin juice went flying.

"Errol!" Ron yelled. The elderly owl was already attempting a graceful exit, winging haphazardly after the other post owls and showering Gryffindor table with moulting grey feathers.

"Not dead enough." Ron muttered darkly. Neville snickered, despite his dripping robes.

Seamus laughed half-heartedly. He searched the house tables. Dean was still missing. Seamus sighed. He loved the way Dean looked in the mornings; all rumpled and undone with his tie hanging crookedly around his neck. Where was he?

"You all right, Seamus?" Neville interrupted his thoughts.

"What? Oh, yes, fine." Seamus nodded. He turned back to his plate. He wasn't hungry any more.

"Are you sure? You seem a bit distracted."

"I do?" Seamus tried to sound surprised. Neville raised his eyebrows. Seamus didn't even know he could _do_ that. Post-War Neville still surprised him. "I'm fine, mate. Really. Have you seen Dean this morning?"

Neville shook his head.

"Yeah, I did. He looked like he had something on his mind. A bit like you, actually." Harry piped up. "So, where are these chocolates she mentioned?"

"She who?"

"Your Mum. In her letter." Harry grinned.

"Chocolates?" Asked Ron.

"I've already stashed them in me bag." Seamus smiled. "I'm saving them for when I next see Dean."

"Potions, then." Ron rubbed his hands together. "Excellent."

Harry's mouth twitched slightly, but he said nothing.

Dean was seated at their usual desk when Seamus arrived in the Dungeons. The Irish boy bit back a smile, having found him at last. Dean's curly-haired head was dipped over his parchment, leaving the back of his neck exposed. The beginnings of two raised scars raked the dark skin just above his collar. Seamus didn't need to see his hands to know that they'd be orchestrating complex doodles in the margins of his work.

Seamus dropped himself down on his right side and nudged Dean's arm, trying not to ruin his drawing. He rummaged in his bag and pulled out the chocolates. "Surprise!" He said.

Dean looked up and grinned, his brown eyes lighting up. "You're serious? Chocolates? What for?"

"Eating, you nugger. Me Mam sent them over and everything." Seamus replied. "I thought we could share them."

Deans eyes went curiously dead for a moment, but the expression left as fast as it had come. Seamus couldn't be sure he'd seen it at all. "Fantastic," he said as Seamus opened the box.

They were good chocolates, it had to be said. Seamus took one for himself, then offered the box to Dean. He had just picked out a swirly nougat, when-

"Mr Finnegan! Are those chocolates I detect?" Boomed the voice of Professor Slughorn.

Dean's fist closed as he whipped the sweet out of sight.

Seamus turned, his most charming smile plastered across his mouth. "Yes. Professor. Would you like one?" _Offer him one or he'll confiscate the lot._

Slughorn smiled genially over his protruding belly. "Don't mind if I do, dear boy, don't mind if I do."

He practically skipped over to the table (a sight rather alarming for a man of his girth) and selected a white chocolate shell.

"Now, put them away, Mr Finnegan, we can't have distractions from the lesson!" He winked broadly before turning to plod back up the aisle. "Now, class, today we will be studying polyjuice potion, its ingredients and its uses in modern wizarding society. If you could all turn to page 127 in _Advanced Potion Making…_"

Seamus bent down to rummage in his bag and surreptitiously slipped the chocolates onto Ron's lap, under the desk behind him. The ginger boy winked. Ron was surprisingly sneaky when it came to food. Hermione frowned next to him, obviously unhappy about the rule-breaking, but smiled when Seamus indicated that she could have one, too.

Satisfied, he refocussed on Slughorn.

"… Each ingredient of the polyjuice potion has a different attribute which, when combined with the others, produces its overall, transformative result. We'll start with the boomslang skin. Yes, Miss Granger?"

Seamus began jotting down his notes as Hermione gave her undoubtedly correct answer. He risked a look at Dean - never a good idea if he meant to concentrate on the lesson.

His breath caught in his throat. Dean's left hand was occupied with notes. His right, however, was curled, to hide the chocolate he was eating from Slughorn.

Seamus now knew something better than Dean in the mornings. That was Dean with chocolate.

It was as if he was snogging the chocolate. Dean nibbled delicately at the edges, his eyes closed in bliss. He sucked on the outside of the dark, smooth sweet before he bit down lightly, right through the centre. Seamus's lips parted slightly. Dean's tongue flicked out between his teeth and swept into the caramel inside. He smiled happily.

The description "tongue-fucking" had never been more apt. _How did I miss this before? _Seamus thought. He dragged himself back to the task before him, keeping his eyes resolutely on the page. It would do him no good to be caught staring at Dean as he practically wooed his sweet. He scribbled down Slughorn's words, burying himself desperately in the properties of potion ingredients. _Merlin, those lips… __Focus__. Lacewings._

Engrossed as he was, Seamus didn't notice until near the end of class that there was a sort of excited mumble spreading across the classroom. Dean nudged his elbow and muttered "Look at Slughorn." He looked up.

Slughorn's bald patch had, somehow unnoticed by its owner, sprouted a single, scaly fin. It waved from side to side occasionally. Seamus sputtered. _Be careful, the shells seem a bit fishy… _He was torn between a strong desire to laugh and desperate worry that the Professor would notice his affliction before the bell rang and Seamus could escape undetected.

The last ten minutes of class were torture, although considerably funnier than the rest of the period. When the bell finally rang, Seamus leapt out of his seat like a scalded cat and raced out of the room, Slughorn still miraculously unaware. He could hear Malfoy saying "Er, Professor…" as he made his getaway.

Dean and the others caught him up soon afterwards. They congratulated him, laughing. The box was thrust back into his hands

"That was brilliant, Seamus!" Ron said, clapping him on the back as if he'd just tacked the Giant squid singlehandedly.

Seamus laughed. "Yeah, I had no idea… Must've been the shells…" He grinned.

Dean slung an arm around his shoulders. Seamus suppressed a pleasant shiver. "Inspired! You're sure nothing else in the box was spiked?" He asked. Seamus shook his head.

"No, I think it was just the shells." Seamus told his best friend. "No-one here ate any, yeah?" He added. They all shook their heads.

"I remembered what your Mum said." Harry added. He chortled. "A bit fishy…"

They split up to go to their various classes soon after. Seamus had Transfiguration with Professor McGonnagall, who now only taught high level students. Dean had Herbology. Seamus tried not to let the fact that he knew this after just three and a half weeks at school bother him. _It's just because he was away last year._

Dean unwound his arm from Seamus's shoulder, said goodbye and headed off to the Greenhouses. Seamus stared after him.

Then he turned around and banged his head on the stone wall behind him. "Idiot." He muttered.

"How long have you been in love with him for?" Came a dreamy voice from beside his shoulder.

Seamus jumped and spun around to face Luna Lovegood. She was looking up at him curiously.

He stood stock still for a moment. Luna knew? Several reactions exploded through his head at once. Seamus settled for defeat.

"Since fifth year." He admitted. Denying it seemed pointless.

"Are you going to tell him?" She asked. Seamus sighed. _Of all times for Luna to get straight to the point, why does it have to be now?_

"I can't. He's straight, isn't 'e? And we're best mates. I haven't got a snowball's chance in hell."

Luna fiddled with her dangly carrot earrings. "That's not very Gryffindor of you." She observed.

"I can't win, Luna." He replied, wishing with all his being that it weren't true.

"Not without a plan, you can't." She agreed. She reached up and tapped Seamus twice on his left eyebrow, for no apparent reason. She pointed at the door to his transfiguration classroom. "You're late. Goodbye, Seamus." She glided off, humming.

Seamus walked into Transfiguration slightly dazed. He hardly noticed the five points Professor McGonnagall deducted from Gryffindor for his tardiness.

Luna was right. He was a Gryffindor. He loved Dean.

He needed a plan.


	3. Sincere Apologies

I'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRY this is not another chapter!

Please don't kill me.

I suspect that most of you have already worked this out, but it's official: I won't be updating this story again. That does not, however, mean that I won't write another Deamus! I'll probably just stick to oneshots in future, as I don't really have enough time to write a continuous story.

I DO have a couple of new fics planned, so watch this space!

Apologies again for being terribly unreliable,

-AY


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